When Pain Speaks

I have worked in a world marked by the pursuit of well being for decades now. Though the clinics and clients have changed over the years, one thing has remained the same - the conversation around wellness often sounds like an endless pursuit of a final destination - a destination of being “healed.”

This pursuit is understandably, insatiable. It can be filled with desperation, an urgent desire to escape pain and access a sustained and liberated experience. The complete absence of pain comes to be conflated with what it means to be healed. Pain is seen as the enemy, and treated as such. As therapists, we often feel this urgency in our client, and we rush to find solutions - despite our knowing that healing is not a linear path.

In our society and culture - to be healed, largely means to occupy a body free of pain. This conceptualizes pain as something that needs to be eradicated, as something that is unacceptable and foreign. That perspective, in the end, is exactly what keeps it locked in.

This perspective of pain leads us to whip our bodies into submission, rather than listening to the message that they are trying to share with us. 

“I am you, I am your voice” our bodies speak, asking us to honor and listen rather than suppress. We are the compassionate witnesses to our bodies.

Opening to the lessons that pain has to share with us is so incredibly difficult yet so essential. Whether as clients, therapists or family members - this is not about relinquishing hope, becoming lazy or unfocused in our practice. Rather, it is a willingness to work with the body and the mind simultaneously, to help others become aware of that connection and open to the transformative effects of trusting and listening to the need underlying the pain.

Rising to this occasion requires a shift in the “pain” paradigm.

Honoring the complex role that pain plays in the process of accessing well being is not a set of professional skills.

It is all about our willingness to be present with the truth that is in the room. 

I will leave you with a writing that has stayed with me and speaks to this essential and powerful paradigm shift in our relationship with pain. As shared by Tara Brach via an unknown source. 

The “Felt Sense” Prayer Author unknown – source unknown 

I am the pain in your head, the knot in your stomach, the unspoken grief in your smile. I'm your high blood pressure, your fear of challenge, your lack of trust. I'm your hot flashes, your fragile low back, your agitation, and your fatigue. 

You tend to disown me, suppress me, ignore me, inflate me, coddle me, condemn me. You usually want me to go away immediately, to disappear, just back into obscurity. More times than not, I'm only the most recent notes of a long symphony, the most evident branches of roots that have been challenged for seasons. 

So, I implore you. I am a messenger with good news, as disturbing as I can be at times. I am wanting to guide you back to those tender places in yourself, the place where you can hold yourself with compassion and honesty. I may ask you to alter your diet, get more sleep, exercise regularly, and breathe more consciously. I might encourage you to seek a vaster reality and worry less about the day-to-day fluctuations of life. 

I may ask you to explore the bonds and the wounds of your relationship. Wherever I lead you, my hope is that you will realize that success will not be measured by my eradication, but by the shift in the internal landscape from which I emerge. I am your friend, not your enemy. I belong. I have no desire to bring pain and suffering into your life. I'm simply tugging at your sleeve, too long immune to gentle nudges. 

I desire for you to allow me to speak to you in a way that enlivens your higher instincts for self-care. My charge is to energize you, to listen to me with the sensitive ear and heart of a mother attending to her precious baby. You are a being so vast, so complex with amazing capacities for self-regulation and healing. Let me be one of the harbingers that lead you to the mysterious core of your being, where insight and wisdom are naturally available when called upon with a sincere heart.

I have created some resources to support fellow therapists in reflecting on their current practice - the Presence in Practice Survey and The Inner Compass Guidebook are tools to guide you in exploring what a meaningful practice looks like to you!